Quit "SHOULD"ing All Over Yourself!

Have You Ever Noticed How Often The Word “Should” Sneaks Into Your Self-Talk?

“I should exercise more.”

“I should eat healthier.”

“I should be more patient with my kids.”

“I should be further along by now.”

On the surface, the word “should” sounds harmless, even motivating. But in reality, it does the exact opposite. It creates pressure, guilt, and shame, while pulling you further away from true growth and self-compassion.

Why "Should" Is Harmful

“Should” comes from outside of yourself, not from within.

“Should” usually reflects others’ expectations: family, friends, societal, and cultural expectations. When you act from “should”, you’re living through someone else’s version of success instead of living based on your own values.

“Should” triggers shame.

Every time you tell yourself what you “should” be doing, you are reinforcing the idea that who you are now isn’t good enough. This constant guilt erodes at self-worth and makes change feel heavy and pressuring, instead of empowering.

“Should” blocks real motivation.

When your inner dialogue is filled with “should”s, you are acting out of obligation instead of desire. Real, lasting change doesn’t come from shame, it comes from aligning with what actually matters to YOU.

What To Say Instead

Word replacements for “Should”:

·      “Could”

·      “Get to”

·      “Want to”

Come from choice, not from guilt and obligation.

Instead of saying “I should go to the gym today”

Try:

“I want to go to the gym today”

Mindset shift: “I choose to move my body because it helps my energy levels and boosts my mood”.

Instead of saying “I should stop eating junk food”

Try:

“I could work on eating less junk food”

Mindset shift: “I don’t feel good after I eat a bunch of junk food, which impacts my mood. Maybe I can start thinking about reducing my junk food intake.”

An exercise to try to break the “should” cycle:

1.    Write down 3-5 “should” statements that you notice you often tell yourself.

2.    Cross out “should” and replace it with “could” “get to” or “want to”.

3.    Read them back and feel the difference in your body.

This simple exercise trains your brain to align with desire and values instead of deeply ingrained shame and pressure.

Final Thoughts

Stop “should”ing all over yourself! Try it out. You will notice when you make this tiny shift, you create some space for self-compassion, clarity, and authentic motivation. You are no longer chasing other people’s rules; instead, you’re living by your own intentions.

This week, notice how often you use the word “should” in your self-talk. Try replacement words instead like “could”, and see how your energy shifts.

Want support in rewiring your self-talk habits so you can create a life you don’t need to escape from? Let’s connect!